Ah, Picnik, where do I even begin? Let’s talk about their Harvest Hash, a dish so cloyingly sweet it could have been a dessert at Willy Wonka’s factory. And the portion? So minuscule, I thought they were serving me a free sample.
But wait, there’s more! The service moved at the pace of a lethargic snail on a leisurely stroll. My friend, bless his Bolivian soul, ordered the PALEO HARVEST HASH with salmon, for a total of $28. You’d think for that price, the salmon would have performed a backflip onto his plate. Alas, it was a no-show. Even after summoning the waitress and the manager, who seemed to have majored in Attitude with a minor in Indifference, the elusive salmon made its grand entrance 40 minutes later. By then, we could have caught and cooked our own.
And don’t get me started on their menu. It’s like they threw in words like “regenerative,” “collagen,” and “grass-fed” just to distract us from the fact that the food is about as regenerative as a plastic bag. It’s a masterclass in virtue signaling, with a side of “please forget how mediocre our dishes are.”
In summary, Picnik is less of a delightful outdoor meal and more of an overpriced, underwhelming ordeal. Save your time, save your money, and most importantly, save yourself from the Harvest Hash heartbreak.
The Angry Eater 